Ain't Worth the Whiskey
by SeGate
Summary: Jimmy's been with Rosemary for a while now, but maybe it's time to get back to where he's meant to be.


Sitting by the fire, the whiskey in his glass seemed to glow with the promise of warmth. Jimmy held the liquor up, contemplating the beverage instead of where his life had taken him. So many times he'd pursued the promise of things. The promise of love. The promise of fame. The promise of respect. And where had it gotten him?

"James?" Rosemary called from the hallway.

Jimmy closed his eyes slowly, as if to will away his immediate reaction to her voice. Once upon a time the thought of her brought a very different reaction to his body. Her need for him had once made him feel strong and vital. He could make a difference in this world.

Rosemary believed it fervently. She was always building up his confidence, convincing him that he should take action. Even in moments of private passion, she encouraged him to embrace his legend and his power. Any other time he was "James," a proper gentleman fit to lead the fight against the South. But in her bed she had taken to calling him "Wild Bill."

The first time she did so, his shock had given her pause. She'd apologized and tried to shake off her comments as an unfortunate joke. But after a few weeks the name had slipped out again. His abhorrence for the name had drawn a primitive reaction from him at the heat of the moment. He felt ashamed of himself later, but Rosemary had never been more excited.

"James, there you are."

Jimmy opened his eyes slowly, taking in her prim dress and tidy hair. Such a pristine facade she put forth, but he knew the truth. He'd thought her goals so noble and good, but he finally realized that she just as grasping and manipulative as Sarah Downs or the Judge. Much as they and others had tried to use Jimmy to their own ends, Rosemary had only courted his legend to give herself more power.

"James, you know I don't like it when you drink." Rosemary looked down at him with a pout. "Especially when you know we have someplace to go. We're supposed to be plannin' our next 'mission' tonight; your mind needs to be sharp."

"I ain't goin'." Jimmy took another sip of his whiskey, welcoming the burning sensation that slid through him.

"What nonsense, James! Of course you're goin'." Rosemary calmly smoothed her skirts, but Jimmy could see a flash of panic in her eyes.

After taking another generous drink, Jimmy stood up to look Rosemary in the eye. "I said, I ain't goin'." His voice was calm, but forceful as he continued. "The only 'nonsense' around here is what's been goin' on between us."

There it was again, Jimmy noted, the panicked widening of Rosemary's eyes before she tried to mask her emotions. He was convinced that the only time he'd ever seen the real Rosemary was when she was goading him in bed. He steeled himself against the onslaught of her "charms."

Rosemary tilted her head down, peeking up at him through her long eyelashes. "But, James, you know I love you." Her demeanor was timid, fragile, and, Jimmy realized, all an act. She was desperately trying to appeal to his protective nature. How had he not seen the truth in her before now?

"You forgot to stick your bottom lip out, Rosemary." Jimmy smiled at her outraged gasp. "You always have liked to pout."

Rosemary huffed indignantly and lifted her nose in the air. "And you've never been able to hold your whiskey. Maybe you should go back to sasparillas, the hard stuff makes you mean, _Wild Bill_."

Jimmy had been about to chuckle at her insult, but when she added the loathsome moniker to her attack he snapped. "Ya know, I was raised to treat a lady right. Unfortunately for you, you ain't no lady."

Rosemary, sensing her critical misstep in using his unwelcome alias, tried to smooth things over. "I'm, I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean that. Times like these can bring out the worst in people. The movement needs you. I need you." She stroked his bicep with her gloved hand. "It would be devastating to lose you. And just think where you'd be without me."

Jimmy's lips curled into a genuine smile. "It's funny you should say that, Rosemary. That's exactly why I'm leavin'."

Anger warred with confusion in her eyes. "But, James…"

Jimmy raised his voice just enough to cut her off, but kept his tone conversational. Anyone overhearing them right now might think they were merely discussing the weather. "Without you, I'd probably be back in Rock Creek. I'd be with people who truly cared about me as well as makin' a difference in this world."

"Oh please," Rosemary laughed derisively. "You'd be a two-bit lawman at most and cuckolding your best friend at worst."

James Butler Hickok had never struck a woman before, but he was sorely tempted to make an exception now. "I advise you not to say another word, Rosemary. You ain't fit to lick the boots of the folks in Rock Creek. Those people are closer to me than family, and they're far more important to me than you'll ever be."

"So you'd chose whores and outcasts over me? I think that says more about you than you realize." Rosemary turned away to examine her reflection cooly in the hall mirror. She patted her hair as she continued, "It's a shame really, that you let those _people_ hold you back. But if that's how you want it, go on. Go back to Rock Creek and try to drink away the memory of me and what we could have been."

Jimmy smirked, knowing she expected him to waver. "You know what, I think I will head back _home_. And I might very well have a whiskey or two when I get there. I'd like to drink to Rachel, a beautiful woman whose wit and caring are only matched by her bravery. And I'll lift my glass to Lou. Her daring and loyalty are nothing compared to her strength and heart. I'll even give a toast to Teaspoon and the boys; friends 'til the end and family forever." He looked over Rosemary's shoulder to see her face in the mirror. "But I won't waste a single drink on you, _dear_. You ain't worth the whiskey."

Rosemary gasped in outrage and quickly spun, raising her hand to slap his face. Jimmy caught her hand easily. "Now, now, Mrs. Burke. What would people say if they knew you were so jealous of 'whores and outcasts'?" He released her hand and stepped back, reaching for his hat where it hung by the door. Placing it on his head, he surveyed her furiously petulant expression. She looked ready to stamp her feet with frustration. Laughter began to bubble up inside him until he was struck by a sobering thought. Tilting his head to study her further and recalling her use of his detested nickname in moments that should have been marked by love and tenderness, he made a sad realization.

Rosemary smiled triumphantly. "You regret what you just said. I can see it in your eyes." She stepped forward and raised a hand to reach for him. "We both said things we don't mean. But we don't have to let that…"

"I'm afraid you misunderstand me, Rosemary." Jimmy felt his throat thicken with emotion. "I do regret something, but it ain't anything I said." He swallowed. "I regret that Noah died for no good reason. And that for so long I was willin' to make the same mistake."

Turning on his heel Jimmy opened the door and gained his horse, oblivious to the screeching he left behind him. He kicked Sundance into a trot feeling all the while like a prisoner just freed from the confines of a dark cell. He could breathe freely at long last, and he never looked back.

* * *

_**Hello again :) I heard this song on the radio and was immediately bitten by a ferocious plot bunny. I never believed Jimmy would stay with Rosemary, and I totally blamed her for Noah's death... Yes, he was a grown man and made his own decisions, but he wouldn't have been in that situation without her. So there.**_

_**The song is "Ain't Worth the Whiskey."**_


End file.
